Yesterday, I was exceptionally emo, then went to bed to have nightmares. I slept 5 hours waking up a lot. The reason why I decided to quit is that I suck at RL. Hard. It takes practice, yes. But practice is hard, when there is no one around to actually understand what you're going through.
I'm sitting here, now thinking, if you quit you abandon all the friends you actually do have. So I decided I'd rather attempt dumping my GF. Funny isn't it? She gives me such a hard and terrible time that I am losing focus completely. But I am unable to tell her what's wrong because I can't find the words. With everything I say I fear losing her any minute. I have no idea what to do with her, but this isn't a relationship nor does it feel anywhere close to love. And it breaks me, because it shouldn't be like that.
I don't know what will happen in the future, but expect a Lutia to pop up on Eden. Forget the quitting, take the video as general "Thank You"s, it's still a wonderful piece of media, made with all my heart.
Final Fantasy XI (and Beckie) have been the only good times in my life. Thank you.
