Feeling lost in the maze of life? Let Moblin Maze Mongers build the labyrinth of your dreams!
We're here today in downtown Jeuno to bring you an exclusive interview with Goldagrik, the pioneering mind behind Moblin Maze Mongers!
He spoke with us about his company's vision and the made-to-order mazes that are sure to delight adventurers across the realm.
- Er, why don't you start by telling our readers a little bit about yourself, uh...sir.
"What'cha starin' at, missy?
Never seen a Moblin dressed like me before?
No wonder, 'cause yer speakin' to none other than Goldagrik—visionary among Moblins and the brilliant business mind behind Maze Mongers, Inc., purveyor o' the most marvelous made-t'-order mazes!"
- So what exactly are these mazes you build?
"What are they!?
Only the most devious, diabolical labyrinths you've ever laid yer pretty eyes upon, lovin'ly crafted t'each customer's demanding specifications!"
- Designing a maze sounds terribly complicated...
Ohoho...fear not!
Every Maze Monger customer will be provided with a Maze Tabula, y'see here? Just use one o' these to make a scale model o' yer dream dungeon and our expert artisans will take care o' the rest!"
- That certainly sounds simple enough! So did you have any trouble clearing the Grand Duchy's notoriously strict "Building codes?
Building codes? Not sure I follow ye, missy.
Y'see, our mazes are built underground—under the ocean floor, no less.
We Moblins have been drillin' down there for ages without worryin' 'bout no building codes.
Our customers give us an order, we build 'em a maze, simple as that.
How they use it ain't none o' our concern."
- The construction time you advertise seems awfully short for such a massive architectural undertaking...
"Look, us Moblins have been diggin' and delvin' in Movalpolos since yer granddaddy's granddaddy was in diapers. If ye can't trust us, who can ye trust? Eh?
Precision architecture. Comprehensive maintenance. Safe and secure, with limitless possibilities! The perfect maze—of the adventurer, by the adventurer, and for the adventurer."
- But won't the expenses put a strain on adventurers' coinpurses?
"Thought ye'd never ask!
Fortunately, my lovely secretary Chatnachoq is here t'educate our potential customers about Moblin Maze Mongers' three guarantees."
"Yes sir, Mr. Goldagrik, sir...
1) Challenging mazes for the self-improvement-minded adventurer!
2) Delightful mazes that will attract scores of challengers (and admission fees for their owners)!
3) Profitable mazes with piles of treasure to be had!"
- Well, I guess these mazes will offer something for everyone!
"Ye got that right!
So what'dya say, adventurers?
Won't ye be the first t'order yer own private maze with Moblin Maze Mongers?
Act quickly, and we'll even throw in a special limited-time offer! Yes, that's right—
(lengthy sales pitch deleted –ed.)
Now there's a deal ye can't refuse! So what're ye waitin' for?"
- Well, uh, I guess that concludes our interview. Thanks for your time, Mr. Goldagrik!
Illustration: Mitsuhiro Arita
This is just a taste of what's in store for adventurers when Moblin Maze Mongers opens for business for next month. Interested parties should make plans to visit the Chocobo Stables in Lower Jeuno for the grand opening!
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This sounds terribly odd, lol...
