no i get that.. but its not even a joke.. its not even remotely clever ...
you cant jus call any bunch of words together a joke.. there is a science behind it!

would you call this a joke!?:

one day in the safari an elephant comes up to the watering hole.
then the sun set.
then the tiger called the elephant a homosexual...

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lol

fraid you're wrong, Safer ;/

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Yes, I am better than you.



... at sex, at least. ;oa

>(

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lol

you wake up in the middle of the night and you see your TV floating in the air. what should you say?


-"Drop it nigga."

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Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says,
"Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"

"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are
Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.

"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."

"Fook off you liar!".

"I'll prove it," Murphy says.

So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"

"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"

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I met an older woman last night..

She was OK for 57, we drank a bit, had a bit of a song & she
asked if I'd ever had the sportsman's double, a mother and daughter
three some?

I said no.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was my lucky night.

I went back to her place.

She put the hall light on and shouted upstairs:

"Mom you still awake?"

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English jokes require a translator. :<

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There are several men in the locker room of a private club after exercising.

Suddenly a cell phone that was on one of the benches rings.

A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues:

- "Hello?"

- "Honey, It's me."

- "Sugar!"

- "Are you at the club?"

- "Yes."

- "Great! I am at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat...It is absolutely gorgeous!! Can I buy it?"

- "What's the price?"

- "Only $1,500.00"

- "Well, OK, go ahead and get, if you like it that much..."

- "Ahhh and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2001 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..."

- "What price did he quote you?"

- "Only $60,000..."

- "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

- "Great!, before we hang up, something else..."

- "What?"

- "It might look like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...I stopped by the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year ... it's on sale!! Remember? The one with a pool, English Garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..."

- "How much are they asking?"

- "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the check book to cover..."

- "Well, than go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000. OK?"

- "OK, sweetie... Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

- "Bye... I do too..."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and raises his hand while holding the phone and asks to all those present:

- "Does anyone know who this phone belongs to?"

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1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal". The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan". Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture she tells ehr husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him...............A super callioused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

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A guy is standing in line at a grocery store having selected

One pound of bacon
A head of lettuce
Six apples
Orange juice
and a box of cereal

After placing his items down to pay a drunk man gets into line behind and looks over the items and says "You must be single."

The man in line was indeed single but wanting to know why the drunk made this observation not knowing him at all and seeing that the items of purchase were not out of the ordinary he asked the drunk why he thought that.

To which the drunk replied, "Because your fuckin ugly."

tyriac's jokes require too much reading. my attention is lost.

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lol <3 falloon

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Lol keep it coming guys, This makes it worth geting on the website at work all the better xD

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Eating Dirt and Dodging bullets... I guess thats what i singed up for eh? At least i get free chicken!

Everyone wonders why Muslim terrorists are so quick to commit suicide.

Let's see now:

No beer, no bars.

No radio, no television.

No Playboy or Penthouse, no Teasers.

No rugby, no football, no basketball, no baseball, no golf.

No dancing, no music.

No bikinis on the beach, no nude beaches.

No summer mini skirts and braless beauties.

No BBQ pork, no ham, no bacon, no hot-dogs, no burgers, no lobster, no shellfish or even frozen seafood sticks.

No Christmas!

Rags for clothes and dish towels for hats.

Constant wailing from the guy next door because he's sick and there are no doctors.

Constant wailing from the guy in the tower.

You can't shave. Your wife can't shave. You can't even shave your wife.

Sand is everywhere. Sand gets into everything.

You wipe your backside with your left hand without toilet paper and if they catch you stealing they chop off your good hand and you must eat with your shitty hand.

You can't shower to wash off the smell of donkey cooked over burning camel dung.

The women have to wear baggy dresses and veils at all times.

Your bride is picked by someone else. She smells just like your camel, but your camel has a better disposition.

Then your leaders tell you that when you commit suicide, you get 27 virgins and it all gets better!

So...

Nope...

No mystery here!

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A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage.
A blonde came in and asked for a seven-hundred-ten. We all looked at
each other and another customer asked, "What is a seven-hundred-ten?"
She replied, "You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I
have lost it and need a new one.." She replied that she did not know
exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.


The mechanic
gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece
looked like. She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He
then took her over to another car which had its hood up and asked "is
there a 710 on this car?" She pointed and said, "Of course, its right there."

Not sure what a 710 is?


click here http://www.hotautoweb.com/cogifs/710.jpg

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LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

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ROFLMAO

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"The internet is where men are gullible, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
"The day you get Apocalypse will be the day I quit." ~Scorsese

i dun get it

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I think Juvant is blonde

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"The internet is where men are gullible, women are men, and children are FBI agents."
"The day you get Apocalypse will be the day I quit." ~Scorsese

Juv, talk about music.


It turns me on.

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