I'm begging you all to please not mention anything about soy milk, ever again. I had a horrible incident that made me hate that shit.
My wife, who at this particular time was 5 months pregnant, decided to one day initiate sex. Who would refuse? So while we were doing the deed I decided to suck on some thing, which at the time I unknowingly believed had not produced any liquid yet, her boob. Little did I know, her body, before producing milk, created a clumpy liquid known as colostrum. So while I suck away, her breast, to the best of my description busted a nut in my mouth. I don't mean to gross anyone out, but it was horrible. I pulled back in disgust as she shrieked "oops". I sat there as it dribbled out of my mouth, similiar to a bad bukkake porn flick.
Needless to say, a couple weeks later, I went to a organic food store near my house to get trail mix, and the clerk was offering soy milk as a free sample. I tasted it, I began sweating like a hooker in church, vivid images of me gurgling this clumpy yellow liquid. I then proceeded to throw up on his rack of dried fruits. It tasted exactly like the shit that came out her breasts
